5 Crack Baby Athletic Association

After seeing the "saddest commercial ever" presented by Sarah McLachlan about crack babies, Kyle goes to help volunteer at the hospital, but finds Cartman already volunteering there. Suspicious, Kyle follows Cartman and finds that he, Craig, Clyde and Butters have gathered together to form a new business called "Crack Baby Basketball", in which crack-addicted babies fight each other for a piece of crack, with the fights being broadcast on the Internet. Kyle is shocked and horrified at what Cartman has done, but Cartman convinces him it is a win-win situation for everybody and persuades him to work for the business as its accountant. Kyle, troubled by his conscience as he becomes a version of Gordon Gekko, repeatedly justifies himself to Stan, who just listens to him in silence.